Co-parenting is rarely straightforward, even in the most amicable situations. When both parents are committed to the well-being of their children, it’s possible to create a stable, supportive environment post-separation.
However, the balance shifts when one parent begins engaging in subtle alienating behaviors, whether intentionally or subconsciously. Parental alienation can be overt, like forbidding contact, or it can be far more insidious and difficult to detect.
1. Undermining your authority through passive comments
One of the most common alienating tactics is the subtle erosion of your parental authority. This might not look like outright defiance but rather sly, seemingly innocent remarks:
- “Well, I would let you stay up late, but you know how your mom/dad is.”
- “I don’t agree with that rule, but I guess we have to follow it when you’re over there.”
These comments may sound harmless in isolation, but over time, they plant the idea that your parenting style is restrictive, unreasonable or simply wrong.
2. Withholding emotional information
Emotional withholding happens when a co-parent deliberately downplays or hides information that could help your child feel emotionally connected to you. This could include failing to share achievements the child wanted to tell you about or not encouraging the child to share their feelings when they miss you. Over time, this tactic can lead the child to feel emotionally distant from you without understanding why.
3. Rewriting shared experiences
Another subtle but harmful tactic is when a co-parent rewrites or reframes positive shared experiences to diminish your role or recasts events in a negative light.
For instance, if you took your child on a meaningful trip, the co-parent might say, “I heard it wasn’t as fun as you hoped,” or “You always come back tired after visiting.”
This manipulation reframes memories and introduces doubt, making your child question their own joyful experiences with you.
If you suspect alienation, focus on maintaining a consistent, loving and safe relationship with your child. You should also enlist legal support to help protect your child’s right to love and be loved by both parents.