It starts so subtly and slowly that we don’t even know it’s happening. That’s how emotional abuse by a spouse often begins.
The signs of physical abuse are usually visible. Emotional abuse also leaves scars. And while they may not be visible, they leave permanent damage.
Types of emotional abuse
Emotional abuse comes in various forms, such as:
- Verbal abuse involves using words as a weapon to erode a person’s confidence and self-worth. The abuser demeans and insults their victim with name-calling, constant criticism, belittling, sarcasm and passive-aggressive remarks.
- Manipulation is an insidious and calculated method an abuser uses to influence or control someone by using deceit, guilt or trickery. The manipulator will often play the victim and twist a situation to shift blame to the victim, who is often left feeling confused and betrayed.
- Gaslighting can make a person doubt their own sanity. The abuser intentionally distorts reality by denying the truth, rewriting past events and minimizing the other’s feelings. Eventually, their victim is full of self-doubt and confusion.
- Isolation involves cutting a person off from their support systems, such as their friends and family. The abuser limits the amount of time the victim spends with their loved ones, monitoring their communication and starting arguments to prevent their victim from contacting others. Over time, the victim becomes more reliant on their abuser, making it harder for them to seek help.
- Intimidation uses fear to dominate another person. Threats to harm them, their loved ones or their pets make the victim afraid to assert themselves.
- Control involves micromanaging the victim’s behavior, thoughts or life decisions. The abuser creates a power imbalance by removing the victim’s autonomy. They dictate what the person can wear, who they can see and where they can go. The abuser monitors the finances and restricts access to money. They set rules and punish any disobedience. Control robs the victim of their independence and leaves them feeling powerless.
Someone who has been emotionally abused may feel ashamed or blame themselves. The first step is acknowledging the abuse and realizing their spouse’s behavior will not improve. Education is crucial in recognizing the patterns. Reach out to family and trusted friends. They will give you encouragement and support. You may also want to seek legal guidance to learn more about divorce.