Couples will sometimes talk about having a child as a way to mend their relationship. They believe that working together as parents will bring them closer. Maybe they’ve been having a lot of conflict in their relationship and they just think that something is missing. If they just had a child to focus on, they would both come together in a loving relationship to give their child a proper upbringing.
But the reality is that the opposite often happens. Studies find that childbirth triggers a decline in marital satisfaction. Couples are less happy with their personal relationships after they have kids.
Why does this happen?
It’s not just couples who are already on the verge of divorce who report a decline in marital satisfaction. This can happen to couples who were perfectly happy before and who will stay married, even after having kids. The problem is just that kids take a lot of time and energy. This pulls the parents away from their personal relationship. They don’t have as much time for each other, so this reduces their satisfaction with their romantic partner.
Many couples in stable relationships can get through this and continue to make things work. But if the couple is already unhappy, having a child is not a good way to save the relationship. It’s likely to make them even more unhappy, potentially triggering a divorce. Plus, now that the couple has a child together, they have to consider child custody rights, child support obligations and many other complex aspects of divorce that would not have existed before.
Divorces involving children are certainly complicated. Take the time to consider your legal options carefully if you and your spouse are getting a divorce.